Bella Imperia: The things I don’t say

The Heart. A simple organ with a simple purpose- to keep you breathing, to keep you alive. Blood pumps in, blood pumps out; it circulates endlessly and the process begins anew. Yet beneath the superficial tissue lies something far more complex than any clinical description could ever explain.

The heart- your heart, my heart- has long been the symbol of our deepest sentiments and fears. Within the tightly woven muscles of this precious organ, something else takes root. A manifestation forms and quietly flourishes over time.

What am I talking about?

Some would call it a disease, a curse, or weakness. Others would consider it salvation, a gift, a strength. Whatever name it bears, there is no escaping the burning fervor that rises from within, consuming your entire being and leaving you in a state of complete and utter vulnerability.

During this period of vulnerability, your body begins a transformation. Thoughts begin to shift. The creation of new dreams and illusions are formed. The mind grows hazy, and the body becomes strangely malleable. Your focus drifts, your center shifts entirely, leaving you bewildered, lightheaded, and unsure of your own thoughts.

You cannot focus.

You cannot think.

You cannot fathom the act of speech.

Everything passes as though you are caught within a dream—an endless dream from which there is no escape.

The symptoms of this “disease” are many, though they are often mistaken for ordinary ailments or harmless occurrences: shortness of breath, heightened senses, flushed skin, dilated pupils, clouded thoughts, a queasy stomach, trembling limbs, clammy palms, and a racing heart.

And there is no cure.

No medicine, no treatment, no doctor will ever be able to rid you of this malady. It will always plague your body and mind. Your immune system can do nothing to stop this viral invasion.  

Only the harsh realities of life can sometimes weaken its hold.

Every minute of every day, countless people fall victim to this strange affliction. At first, the symptoms are faint—barely noticeable. But as time progresses, the symptoms grow stronger but are chosen to be ignored. By the time the truth becomes clear, the illness has already taken hold with such force that recovery feels impossible.

This illness spreads through millions of people every day, yet it is considered too ordinary, for doctors to concern themselves with.

You cannot stop what you cannot see.

You cannot stop what was or what was not meant to be.

This illness ignites your heart, encompassing it in molten heat. You cannot breathe. You cannot think. If a cure is not found that fire will burn too fiercely, reducing your heart into a pile of grey ash- incapable of ever beating the same way again.

You have given me this disease and it will never fade away. For as long as I live and breathe, you will forever be burned within my memory.

This illness can be a weakness or strength, a gift or a curse.

You have made it both.

So please… take good care of my heart. Do not let the fire consume it entirely, or I will be lost.

Love is the malady that has no cure- its symptoms common, yet so often ignored.

And I know this is true because…

I fell in love with you.