Sometimes I want to scream at the heavens.

Not a quiet cry.
Not the kind of tears I wipe away before anyone notices.

I want to let all my anguish out.

I want the tears to fall freely and let nature be my witness… to all of it…my grief, my suffering, my pain.

I want to let the dam break.

Let the waters rise.
Let them flood every place inside me that I have spent so long trying to keep contained.

I want my tears to run freely down my cheeks while my nails leave furrows upon the forest floor, as though I need the earth to know how much I am hurting.

I want the guttural screams to tear their way from my raw throat.

And I don’t want to care who hears them.

Let the trees hear me.

Let the wind carry my cries between their branches.
Let the earth absorb every tear.
Let the forest be my silent sentinel.

I want to let this pain go.

This fear.
This anguish.
All the things I have swallowed, buried, and carried for far too long.

Let nature bear witness to me falling apart.

Let the trees shelter me when my strength finally gives out and I collapse against their roots. Let them hold me there while I shudder through the aftershocks of everything I have been trying so desperately not to feel.

And then…

I imagine the relief.

The rush of finally letting go.

Of not having to hold myself together for one more moment.

I imagine how light my body would feel.

How quiet my mind would become.

How much lighter my heart might be without all of this pressing against it.

And then, perhaps, I would curl up beneath the trees, exhausted from finally allowing myself to break.

And sleep.

What a wonderful nap that would be.

-Bella Imperia

---